Ian Cooper Blogs About His Experiences With Bullying
My name is Ian and I was bullied at secondary school.
My name is Ian I lost my Dad to alcoholism and my Grandma two weeks later to a broken heart.
My name is Ian and I got through it.
My name is Ian and talking can save your life.
My name is Ian and I will not let my past define me.
My name is Ian I define myself…always with the help of others
I lived a happy childhood for all intents and purposes. I was brought up in rural Northamptonshire, very much middle class – my dad was a Pharmaceutical Manager and my mum was a Teacher – we lived in a large detached house. Primary school was a very happy time, a small school and a strong local sense of community, however this changed at secondary school.
It’s not that I didn’t enjoy secondary school, far from it…some of my best memories come from secondary school – however it is where the bullying started. Teasing and name-calling were the most regular occurrences, there was never really any physical bullying, it was psychological and those scars tend to run deep.
I was called names in class – I cried, I was teased at break times – I cried, when I was questioned by teachers I cried and when people were nice to me, asking “are you ok?” I cried because I was so overwhelmed that people were being nice to me. The most vivid memory I have, was coming to school one winter morning. There was dew on the ground, our mobile classroom was next to the Tennis Courts – round 3 sides of the tennis courts my classmates had written the name they used to call me, alongside pictures of me. I think the fact I can recall this so vividly highlights the effect it had on me at the time. Not only could my classmates see this but anyone who was walking to school could – I felt humiliated, embarrassed and worthless.
“I was called names in class – I cried, I was teased at break times – I cried, when I was questioned by teachers I cried and when people were nice to me, asking ‘are you ok?’ I cried because I was so overwhelmed that people were being nice to me”
Alongside this my parents were undertaking a very messy divorce; my dad was an alcoholic and was seriously hospitalised after drink driving – my mum was a single parent doing her best to bring up an only child – it was a tough time.
Being bullied hammered my confidence, it’s only really on reflection that I can see the effect it had. I was a very happy and smiley young boy and I am now, but the bullying completely changed me for longer than I’d care to admit. It led to a skin condition and a huge drop in confidence – I couldn’t look people in the eye, I would flinch when someone came close to me and I didn’t feel like I mattered. Finally, I was highly self-conscious around anyone and everyone and this impacted on my friendships and relationships.
I haven’t mentioned the reason I was bullied and for a very good reason – you should never, ever feel like a part or an essential piece of you shouldn’t belong, quite the opposite – what you have is amazing and it makes you the person you are now, as well as the person you want to be. Be proud of your differences (everyone has them) and embrace them.
“I haven’t mentioned the reason I was bullied and for a very good reason – you should never, ever feel like a part or an essential piece of you shouldn’t belong”
When I was in secondary school I didn’t talk as much as I should have done to people, which compounded the problem – I thought it was something I could deal with on my own, but I couldn’t. No one should ever have to. When I went to university my confidence came back and it’s remained ever since! There are two reasons and two tiny little (what you may think are insignificant reasons – but they’re really not) reasons / changes that I made to combat the bullying I experienced.
I started talking to people about what I had gone through and it felt so much better to share what had happened to me. I realised I had people all around me who could help me, just by being there.
My dad died in 2002 due technically due to Jaundice – however the real reason he never got better from the crash he sustained in 1994 is because he never talked about how he was feeling. 8 years confined to your house, 8 years slowly declining, 8 years losing 7 stone in weight, 8 years losing 5 inches in height – 8 years not living. Just because he didn’t talk.
Since I was bullied – I have gone from not being able to look someone in the eye – to presenting to groups of people on a weekly basis. I am now 34 years old, I have a Degree, a job that takes me all around the country, my own flat and I play the sport I love at a great level. The only way I have accomplished that is through talking to people and knowing there is always someone here for me.
“I started talking to people about what I had gone through and it felt so much better to share what had happened to me”
I now share my story with as many people as I can, whether it be at work, at play or to charity. My experiences are not about me, far from it. They show that, no matter where you are brought up, no matter what you have gone through and no matter how bleak it seems – there is always, always, always someone there for you – wherever you are and whoever you are. You can’t control you past – but you can pave the way for wherever you want to go….as long as you realise three things:
Talking is your best medicine
Someone is always there for you
The tiniest things often mean the most
This story isn’t for me, it’s to show you, you are not alone. Someone will always be there for you and if I can affect your life for the better, even if it’s just one person – well then that is an amazing success for me!
Thank you for reading.
