Recent Ditch the Label research revealed that guys are less likely to talk about their feelings, or seek help and support when they need it. Why? Well think about. Are boys encouraged to express their emotions? To cry when they feel upset? Or are they made fun of? Told they are ‘acting like a girl’ and should ‘man up’ or ‘grow some balls’?
Sadly, many young men listen to this advice and bottle up how they actually feeling – the consequences of this can be devastating; suicide is now the biggest killer of young men in the UK and many young men resort to aggressive behaviours as an outlet for their pent-up frustration and emotion.
If you are worried about your male friend and want to broach a sensitive subject with him but are worried how he will react, we have put together 7 tips to help you get the conversation started.
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1. Choose the right time and environment.
Choosing the right time and place to talk to him is extremely important if you want him to feel comfortable enough to open up about what he is going through. We advise choosing a moment when you are both relaxed and have time to talk.
Research shows that avoiding eye contact when talking about serious situations can actually increase emotional openness and receptivity so a good time to talk to him might be when you are watching TV together or playing a game. He is more likely to open up if he doesn’t feel under pressure, or that you are making a ‘big deal’ out of it. Try and approach the subject casually, as you would any other conversation.
2. Ask the right questions.
Keep the questions as open as possible in order to create a fluid conversation and avoid yes or no answers. Here are some examples of the things you could say:
“What happened?”
“How do you feel about that?”
“What do you think we could do to change that?”
You are likely to get a better understanding of what is going on and how he is feeling by asking him questions in this format.
3. Listen.
Before you try and give him advice or share your opinion on the matter, make sure you have listened to all he has to say, without passing judgement or butting in. Hear him out, carefully consider what he has told you and suggest that together you find a productive and positive way in which you can resolve the situation and move forward. If you think his safety might be at risk, confide in a trusted adult immediately.
4. Assure him he has your friendship no matter what.
Your friendship could make all the difference to him right now. He might be hesitant to share certain things with you because he is worried you will think less of him or end your friendship with him. Assure him that this is not the case and that you will be there for him no matter what. Spend time with him, make sure he knows he is not alone and try to do things that will boost his self-esteem and confidence.
6. Don’t belittle his feelings or opinions.
It is important that you don’t patronise him or belittle his feelings or opinions.
If you see him cry don’t disempower him and tell him to ‘man up’ or criticise him for being sensitive. Instead, reassure him that his reaction is completely natural, normal and extremely healthy.
Make sure that he feels like the power is in his hands and that you will be there to support him every step of the way. A good way of doing this is to ask him how you can help him, or what steps he wants to take next.
7. Make sure he knows where he can get further help.
Your friend might feel more comfortable opening up to somebody he does not know. You could suggest that he contact a therapist, counsellor or someone at Ditch the Label for further help and support.
If they need someone to talk to, they can speak to a support mentor via our new support platform DitchtheLabel.org/Community or they can DM us directly on Twitter @DitchtheLabel to speak to somebody.
