Student, influencer, model, LGBT activist and all round great guy, Max Hovey writes about his experiences of being the last single guy in his friendship group.
‘You know that third wheel feeling? When you’re a complete spare part and feel left out? Well how about fifth wheeling? Or seventh or ninth wheeling? How about out of literally every single one of your friends, you’re the ONLY one not in a relationship.
It sucks.
Any form of gathering – “boyfriends / girlfriends welcome!”. I just end up on the floor with the resident dog (I mean not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’d probably still end up doing that even if I was in a relationship). My point is, I get it, it can feel very lonely. I’m in that situation myself, all of my friends are in relationships, and I mean every single one. Not just “oh they’ve got a new boyfriend again”, I’m talking long-term committed relationships.
Then there’s me, a single man who carries his cat to his food bowl to make him feel special. Dating sucks, like really sucks, especially in this day and age. Gone are the days when you’d bump into someone in Sainsbury’s as you reach for the last apple, lock eyes and fall in love (we all want that love story, don’t lie). Or have someone offer to buy you a drink at the bar, you chat, take their number and arrange a date another day. No no no, that’s a rarity for millennials. It’s all about swiping, liking, posting, commenting, posing. Which eventually (9 times out of 10) can lead to the magical new concept of ghosting. Any wonder it’s so difficult?
But here’s the thing, not everyone is like that. It’s not your problem if someone doesn’t swipe right on tinder, or ghosts you, or just wants sex. That is NEVER your fault. It’s usually their own internal issue that they don’t quite know how to handle.
So what can you do about it? Nothing. I know that’s probably not the answer that you wanted but it’s true. I think I was deleting and re-downloading tinder at least twice per month. The endless cycle of wanting someone, not finding them and deleting the app, then feeling lonely and re-downloading it. Online dating can be great, but it’s too forced. Don’t get me wrong sometimes it works! But it rarely does.
So just stop looking. Love yourself, and wait for someone else to love you back. Be happy as the single friend, buy that dine in for 2 meal deal and eat both, eat that share bag, go to the gym because it makes you feel good. Have a romantic meal in with your dog on Valentine’s Day. If you feel like you need to neck tequila to get through yet ANOTHER couple filled gathering, just do it.
So, my advice, just be you. The right person will come along. I know it sounds corny, but it’s true. Searching for love can be a lonely journey, but waiting for it can be full of enjoyment, self-acceptance and well, dogs.
Anyway, you do you – and others if it makes the waiting a little more bearable.’
For more from Max, follow his Instagram @max_hovey
Check out Max’s article 8 Lessons Coming Out Has Taught Me here
