This weekend holds claim to the most famous festival in the world; Glastonbury. But, a long party weekend does not come issue-free. There are plenty of strange situations you may encounter at a festival – some funny, some annoying and some just downright disgusting – so we put together a list of all the weird moments that anyone who’s been (or hopes to) will understand.
1) Tents Becoming Saunas
If you’re lucky enough to have a sunny weekend then you’ll understand this one. You go to bed all wrapped up in two hoodies, a sleeping bag and a blanket because it’s FREEZING outside but, when you wake up, the sun will have turned your tent into a pod of heat and you’ll be sweating through each one of your layers. But at least it’s sunny hey?
2) Drinking a Warm Drink
We’re all clever savers when it comes to expensive money-traps like festivals. “Eight pound a pint?! No thank you good sir, I shall bring my own”. However, another little secret problem is that, when you bring your own and keep it in your tent, the sun does to your tinnies exactly what it does to you in your tent in the morning and warms them all up. And, let’s be honest, there’s few things more disgusting than drinking something that shouldn’t be served warm.
3) “The Wall”
There is nothing delightful about the toilet facilities at festivals. We’re going to focus on the bizarre system the guys have to use because a) everyone knows how nasty the cubicles are and b) we’d rather not get into it. What nobody tells you is, as a guy, how the urinals work at festivals. It’s literally just a wall with a urinal on it. Doesn’t sound too weird yet right? Well, it’s usually in plain sight. There are events where they’re only twenty-odd metres away from the main stage so essentially everyone, including your favourite artist, can watch you pee. Fantastic.
4) Paying Stupid Amounts for Food
Everything is so expensive at festivals but who allows a burger to be a tenner? That should surely be illegal. Maybe it is gourmet or the buns are fresh and homemade by someone’s nan but that doesn’t mean it’s worth a whole ten pound note. It better be the best burger anyone’s ever had.
5) No Bags
This ones for the guys out there. Isn’t it rough when you just want to have a place to hold all your cash, suncream, water and everything else you need for the day but toxic masculinity says men shouldn’t have bags? A ridiculous rule of society that needs breaking so, do us a favour, carry a bag and don’t worry about it.
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6) Being in Fancy Dress
Now, if you’re the kind of person that likes a good costume and you’re bound to rope your mates in as well, then you’ve got a big decision to make. What is the best fancy dress for the group? Maybe you’re thinking Power Rangers or Teletubbies, or perhaps you prefer random objects like traffic cones. Whatever you’re thinking, make sure your mates are on board and everyone’s got their costume sorted. The last thing you want is to turn up in full yellow body paint as Homer Simpson only to find out Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie didn’t even bother.
7) Being Asked if Someone Can Sit on Your Shoulders
Chances are, probably if you’re tall, you’ve been in this situation. You’re watching one of your favourite acts, dancing away, and you feel a tap on your shoulder. Maybe it’s a friend (or even a stranger) but they’ll ask if they can sit on your shoulders to see better. You most likely say yes because you’re a nice person only to realise that a whole human person isn’t that light. All of a sudden you’re trapped doing a human weights session in the blazing heat to intensely motivating music; getting flashbacks of the gym.
8) Forgetting to Pack Something
That awful feeling you’ve forgotten something. You can’t quite tell what but it’s definitely something. Then, maybe it’s as soon as you leave the house or even two days into the party, you realise. The socks, the pants, the towel. Something absolutely, desperately vital to your weekend. Why does the mind do this to us?
9) Flying Bottles of ‘Water’
This is by far one of the most disgusting things that happens at festivals. If you couldn’t tell, the ‘water’ isn’t water and I’m sure you know what it actually is. Apparently, people then throw these bottles full of liquid around the crowd which is absolutely not ideal. Who thought of doing this and, more importantly, why?
10) Not Washing for the Weekend
It’s pretty grim really isn’t it? The idea of not washing once in a whole three or four days. If this is a bit of an issue for you then you’ll probably find things like baby wipes and dry shampoo will be your best friend. Or you could just embrace the funk? You’ll probably be dirty, sweaty and smell a bit but try not to worry because so will everyone else and you’ll all be having the time of your life.
Despite all of these weird and wonderful issues you might find yourself in, a festival with your best mates can be one of the greatest experiences of your life. So be sensible, safe and enjoy yourself and you’ll have an awesome time.
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