Unpicking today’s most talked about break-up coping strategy: the ‘revenge body’
I’m sure most of us would achieve great satisfaction from a fiery selfie plastered anywhere an ex can see it, whether we like to admit it or not. But what can this really be doing for your sense of self-worth? Why should you seek their approval in order to feel good about yourself? If your mission is to get fit and ‘be the best version of you’, this should be solely your mission, and not based on the hope that maybe if you post a picture looking fabulous on social media, your ex might see it and possibly start to think they made a terrible mistake letting you go. I’m not here to make assumptions about how your relationship ended, but if somebody has mistreated you in some way, why would you give them the pleasure of knowing they still affect your life choices?
“Stop worrying about embodying unattainable beauty standards in order to take the ‘perfect’ selfie and drive your ex crazy with remorse”
Some (*cough* Khloe Kardashian) may reiterate that ‘looking good is the best form of revenge’. This is a questionable statement encouraging people to think that whether they deserve happiness or not lays in the social acceptance of their appearance. Let’s not fuel fatphobia even further by anchoring rejection and lovelessness with a lack of conformity to the impossible airbrushed physiques we see plastered across the front covers on the magazine stands. Do we really wish to reinforce dominant ideologies of the ‘ideal’ body by advertising a need to lose weight in order to be worthy? I don’t think so. Mental health is just as crucial as physical health in self-care, and the two have often been argued to be interlinked. Therefore, the healthiest way to undergo any kind of fitness journey would be to accept yourself for who you are before you begin. Calorie counting and excessive exercise whilst watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show and wondering why you haven’t suddenly grown legs the length of your entire body will not bring you the post-breakup ‘zen’ you are looking for.
“A happy alternative requiring less physical exertion would be ‘feeling good is the best form of revenge’”
A happy alternative requiring less physical exertion would be ‘feeling good is the best form of revenge’. If eating clean and exercising regularly makes you feel amazing then by all means, go ahead! But if you are not enjoying this lifestyle change and are only keeping yourself motivated by envisioning somebody else’s acceptance, then switch off the treadmill and order a pizza. I’m not endorsing a pity party by any means, I am just trying to nip this seeking-external-approval mindset in the bud. Stop worrying about embodying unattainable beauty standards in order to take the ‘perfect’ selfie and drive your ex crazy with remorse. Self-acceptance will only be a permanent fixture if you find it within; not in a salad, a set of dumbbells and a highly contrasting ‘before and after’ pic. If revenge is what you are seeking following your breakup, then the best form would be loving yourself the way you are and demonstrating your absolute contentment with life by, well… not feeling the need to demonstrate anything at all!
